Well, I ‘ve got news for you!!!

The backwards third world mentality is alive and well in a Brisbane software company.

Day-in-day out there is always a push to increase productivity, reduce defects and minimize software development costs.

The company does a frigging excellent job at minimizing software costs by pretty much expecting – in a demanding kind of way – that you give the company 24/7 all the time.

Some of this partly to blame on the culture where the average worker has given businesses in Australia over $18 billion in unpaid overtime.

Fine – average workers are just idiots!!!

Last week, a woman CEO demanded that all developers use physical paper folders for all projects that they’re working on.

Wow.

That meant that gone are the Word requirement documents, the Excel spreadsheets that we email amongst ourselves, test cases that get dumped on the shared drives etc.

All this because she likes to touch/see the physical documents.

What a bitch!!!

How can a CEO of a “world leading” fashion software organization be so backwards. What makes things rather scary is that she’s in her early 40’s – not even an old fart yet.

Maybe it is the environment. The Sydney siders often say that “Brisbane is a big country town“

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Since moving to Brisbane 5 years ago, I’ve had the pleasure to observe, admire and drool over some seriously gorgeous female bits. By this I’m referring to a nicely curved – shaped butt, luscious lips, legs that have the perfect shape and go on forever and of course boobs – breasts that are unbelievably inviting.

It is really great living in Brisbane – everyday I get to see at least one beautiful woman.  If I get to see a blond, all I need is a glimpse of a nipple to know if she is a real blond or a fake. Real blond nipples are pink in color while brunette nipples are browner.  Living with two women and then again with another two women has been an education

But…

I have to navigate my way through the city every day of the week, and as regular as clockwork, I get stonewalled behind a woman or two or three.

Now it is a known fact that women are unable to walk straight – they’re always drifting this way then that way and then there’s the sudden stop for no apparent reason. (In a rush, I almost rear-end a woman when she stopped suddenly!!!)

Easy. I just walk in the opposite direction to get around this female obstruction.

Complicating this is being stuck behind two women. Slipping around this obstruction requires a gear change.

Now we add handbags and the back-up handbags.

Suddenly the zig-zag female walk is covering a meter to the left and another meter to the right.

Initially I figured the sweeper arms were for balance – assuming she had a top heavy rack aggravated by the handbags.

Unfortunately, this is not true.

Women who are not well endowed and not carrying handbags still swing there arms sideways.

It took over a month of observation, sidewalk traffic congestion and dozens of female forms to formulate this measurable law of motion.

Whilst walking behind and admiring the curves wiggling and gyrating, measure the width of her hips with your eye.

Touching would be inappropriate ;-(

Now if her butt is 36 cm wide, take 36 cm from her spine to the left and 36cm right. This 72cm range is the bare minimum arm swing radius.

Adding handbags add further offsets to the arm swinging.

If you’re having a really bad day and she is C++ top heavy, the arms have to compensate for the shift in weight as the jugs swing this way and then that way.

Before commenting, take the time to admire and observe the female physique in motion.

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For some this might appear as staged tall story packed with impossible inaccuracies, but for some residents of Brisbane, it is a daily gauntlet of duck and dive for cover ;-(

Let us begin…

Whilst escaping the office for a bite to eat, I found myself sitting on a Cathedral Park bench.

Being just before noon, the park was pleasantly quiet – peaceful – the shade much more inviting than the office aircon.

Here St. Johns Cathedral replaced my dull and somewhat depressing LCD monitor with source code and customer complaints.

Initially, many meters ahead of my park bench enjoying the sun was a couple of magpies.

Normally ferrous and generally impolite wildlife, they wandered ever closer and closer to my bench. It didn’t take long before I realized that these birds wanted my lunch.

Every bite was met with an advancement of the magpie front line.

Slowly as I chewed, their approach became more and more uncomfortable
- for me !!! Maybe it was the fear of being out numbered – ambushed.

Magpie cyclist attack damage

Magpies have been known to derail cyclists and demolish high heels. It was only a week or so ago that I saw a magpie force a crow to crash land on the paving. A couple meters more and the oncoming Turbot street traffic would’ve been involved. Possible broken windscreen?

Magpie territory warning

Very confident protected specie – perhaps arrogantly confident?

I could easily have stretched my arm out and given Captain Magpie a good old slap, but as the beady eyes filled my view, I capitulated (because of legal ramifications!).

Late last year a copper got fined $2000 for shooting an aggressive magpie.

The magpie couple probably didn’t fill in their 2008 tax return and even if they had, they probably wouldn’t have received the ATO $900 tax refund this month.

With no tax refund to bank on and starving, maybe the couple had a couple chicks to feed? Who knows.

Sorry and somewhat apologetic, I left them with what remained of my lunch. My butt hadn’t even left the park bench when the magpies dive bombed the lunch.

This was yet another successful Magpie Attack.

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An easy sell – how many times haven’t you wished your boss – that old fart – to hell?

So understandably and probably unfortunately, good old values have gone to hell!!! As we all know Christianity as a religion is dropping in popularity – see Religious Tolerance . Some will dispute this saying that the flock is growing and indeed they might be right. But proportionately to the world population, Christianity is definitely going down.

Think about it – how many times have you ever seen a queue at your local church ?

The only religion which is growing in real terms – worldwide population, is Islam.

Thankfully for the remaining Christian flock, Brisbane has the absolutely awesome St. John’s Cathedral.

St. John's Anglican Cathedral

Construction of this stone masterpiece started back in 1906 based on plans from a late eighteen century architect and only completed now in 2009. The stone masons used the churches very own Gatton quarry – on the way to Toowomba.

Going up the stone stairs onto the porch, you’re met by the narthex West wall supporting the Millennium Window. Above the beautifully decorated stained glass windows is the immense stone-vaulted ceiling.

Cathedral entrance

Every butt joint is intentionally unique. This finish and attention to detail takes your breathe away. But wait that’s not all.

Stepping further along the Nave Altar the pulpit appears. Behind the pulpit is the Cathedra – Archbishop’s Seat and finally the sanctuary holding the high altar.

Nave-Altar-Cathedra-Sanctuary

Breathless you sit and admire the view, perhaps reflecting on the meaning of life – the number 42

Unfortunately you cannot stay here at St. John’s Cathedral forever ;-(

It is always a good idea to chuck the milk before it lands on your porridge and embarrassingly has a better grip on the cornflakes than your very own dentures. Preservatives like 200, 220 etc do a great job but even the church accepts that there is that final expiry date.

With the current worldwide economic crisis, some have skipped the Hell Express hearse and gone straight to the crematorium for a bottling. Understandably, Anubis who patiently manages the gates to afterlife, could have saved this lost soul.

Never fear, even with the aging population in Australia, none of the coffin manufacturers have ever had an unhappy customer. Now that’s good value and peace of mind – great package deal.

So please come visit Brisbane Australia, we’ve got all souls covered.

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What follows is a step by step photographic collage of a Queenslander building construction – from the foundation all the way up to the roof.

Start with a couple supports and wooden trusses.

Wooden supports for the walls and second floor

Roof trusses and floor supports

Then erect the walls…

The wooden timbers get hammered and bolted to the concrete foundation

Wooden construction of the second floor

After the walls go up, build the second floor and add a tiled roof.

Wooden structure supporting the weight of a tiled roof

Bricks added to the outside of the wooden structure

What I don’t understand is why bother with the wooden frame construction then the brick work – why not just use the bricks to begin with?

Queenslander plastered

I would’ve thought that a face-brick house would require less external maintenance like painting, cleaning etc.

Maybe this is some weird way to distort the realestate values?

Can you figure this one out?

And after loosing the building rubble, laying the instant grass and a couple finishing touches – building is finished.

Queenslander construction finally finished. I'd say the garden needs a couple bushes!

The above construction took around 6 months to complete – admitted long compared to the usual month ot two realestate development, but this method probably saved a whole load of bob.

If you’re really sharp – with an investor’s mind – you’ll notice how this newly constructed Queenslander is entirely positioned on one side of the land block.

Sure this choice of land usage gives the kids a large open grass playground, but it allows an easy subdivision.

With a well planned subdivision – splitting the land into smaller parcels, the resale of the land could easily pay off the Queenslander mortgage.

This is how property developers make a fortune – divide and conquer (and fill their bank accounts)!

With a little knowledge and thought, you too can make a killing

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Entrance gate to Brassall Place

This recently finished development is absolutely awesome – offers a great lifestyle advantage. Most new real estate developments have the residences sitting uncomfortably close to one another.

Brassall Place is definitely different – you can breath easily and are highly unlikely to hear your neighbor fart or orgasm

Pool - just add 36-32-34

Road between the Brassall units

Neighbor to the right of Unit 29

So Sunday afternoon turned into an in depth property investigation. Not wanting to be disturbed, I choose unit 29 of the complex. This lovely two bedroom with SLUG, face brick and backyard, unit is located far away from the gated entry. Students would love this – guaranteed quiet helps studies. I was student once upon a time ;-(

Entrance to the 2 bedroom Unit 29

The complex is conveniently located close to shopping centers, transport and enjoys a wealth of park areas. Being not too far from Brisbane is great plus, especially when one considers the cost of realestate.

The 2 bedroom unit kitchen at Brassall Place

In the Brisbane CBD, you’ll be lucky to find an investment property for less than AU$500,000. Moving further out towards the suburbs, the cost of properties does come down but there is a lack of real lifestyle value.

Probably the biggest advantage of this property development in my opinion is the open space arrangement of the 68 units. This was clearly illustrated in the earlier photo. Whilst this is always very nice, it’s the bottom line that counts.

The table below gives the property breakdown.

All above is within walking distance of the shops, schools and transport. For us blokes (and if you love fishing), the Bremer river is on your doorstep.

I’m not sure on whether or not there are still any units available for sale / investment – best to check that with No Limit, but rental opportunities are still being advertised on www.realestate.com.au or contact Jim, the onsite manager.

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It’s Sunday afternoon and you’re sitting on the deck minding your business reading a stock market self help guide book.

Hopefully the share market wisdom buried somewhere within the text and tutorials will give you all the answers you need to hopefully dig yourself out of the short selling financial stock market hole you successfully and skillfully dug for yourself.

Then without warning a dark and somewhat sinister shadow blasts past within inches of your sensitive sun baked head.

Within a split second not only has your financially sensitive heart missed a couple beats, you’ve also lost your stock market guide book page !!! CPR has hit rock bottom – liquidated.

As with the herd mentality, financial ruin should be shared – CEO’s excluded

Seriously peeved, you look for somebody to blame.

Before my eyes a Brush Turkey had landed and started destroying a newly planted spring herb collection.

Backyard brush turkey in Brisbane

Not only does the stock market have damaging inconsiderate financially destroying wildlife, so too does my Brisbane backyard. Within minutes, this turkey had scratched a hole that made the domestic dog bone burying skills seem amateurish.

Damaging video evidence is included here.

Whilst I might have lost my bookmark in the turmoil – at least this turkey didn’t hide in the boardroom – deserves to live another day – escaping the dinner plate.

How about a well stuffed Bear Stearns – grilled just right ?

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Down under we’ve got the Sydney Opera House and the Coathanger in New South Wales.

Not wanting to be out done by the blokes south of the border in New South Wales, Brisbane has the Egyptian God Anubis

Anubis waiting for a couple dead souls

Guarding the corner of Wharf and Anne streets in the Brisbane CBD, this part jackal, part tradesman, hoodie and all is a most welcomed addition to the Brisbane architectural void.

Sure Brisbane has plenty of statues – ANZAC square etc, heritage sites but nothing really original, new or blatantly different – well, that was until Anubis arrived !!!

Made from steel, with its feet firmly rooted in concrete, the Egyptian God Anubis is focused, but gently intimidating as it guards the gates to the afterlife.

The Egyptian god statue Anubis is skillfully formed out of unforgiving, uncompromising cold steel

Maybe Anubis has always been there – measuring the worthiness of those crossing the intersection to enter the realm of the dead – moving onto the afterlife.., embalmed perhaps in a vehicular collision?

A statue that not only looks good, but has a higher purpose?

A chilling thought – so strong is it, I walk on the other sidewalk, hopefully Anubis can’t see me?

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Handmade crafts are generally the African arts like soap stone statues of animals like elephants, hippos, lions etc or beaded art works and clothing with a distinctive African design flavor.

Skills are often an uninvited windscreen wash, parking security ‘officer‘ or even a new exhaust – no guarantees though

Years ago, big vendors in South Africa did pretty much the same putting their goods on the sidewalk in front of the shop and people would later walk in and pay for the item. As the crime rates have increased astronomically, this action is now a distant memory for South Africans.

South African shop behind bars

Typical South African bottle store

Down under in Australia, crime is not suffocating the street shopping experience. Below is an image of a forklift unloading a couple cases of Pure Blonde beer.

The operator then went off on his scheduled lunch break. Do you think the cases of Pure Blonde beer would still there if he’d done this in South Africa? He’d be lucky if the forklift was still there!!!

If you’re ever in Brisbane, Angus & Robertson is one of those book stores that have pretty much every topic covered. Also visit Dymocks – another book store, just further up on Queen Street, opposite the mall.

Chalk and cheese, black and white – that is how the street shopping experience between Australia and South Africa compares. The difference driven by crime and the mentality of the people.

I don’t think Anubis would survive or help South Africa – probably be sold for scrap metal!!!

So very sad ;-(

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However, does an abusive note like this help matters?

"I am a dickhead and proud of it"

A very abusive note – but wait there was another note attached to the rear window of this Ute – “Utility Vehicle”

Note attached to the rear window

Any normal person would be asking why attach more than one note? What had the owner of this vehicle done that was so wrong?

I am a Vietnam Veteran and damn proud of it

Initially, I figured the writer did not agree with the Vietnam war – and activist of sorts – pro peace!

Well, this proud Vietnam Veteran happened to be parked at the wrong spot at the wrong time.

He’d parked across the underground parking driveway entrance / exit !!

Understandable, I too would be peeved – Vietnam Veteran or not, I’d have is Ute towed at let him cop the $200 – $300 fine

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