Whilst dodging that puddle that’s guarding the driver side you grab the door handle and the f*** door is still locked!!!

Fumbling around for the remote again, the puddle that definitely wasn’t there when you parked the car, invades your sneakers. Jeans are now a mess. The socks are now soaked as the toes attempt an escape through the sneaker air vent.

So with a wet backpack busting your back, the remote gets pressed again and again.

The driver door stays locked.

Bugger! Now in desperation, I took the key – struggled – and finally found the slot that I’d never used since purchasing the Toyota Yaris five years ago.

With the rain still belting down, I started looking for an off street park near my unit.

Parked again, the Yaris remote ignored my wishes again.

Bugger!!!

The sudden loss of remote functionality seemed linked to the battery. Doing some research I found that the car-remotes should last about 5 to 10 years between battery changes.

Since I only use the car maybe once a week, I figured I should be closer to the 10 year interval.

1. Replace the remote battery is easy then supposedly all is sweet.
2. Replace the remote battery and then the remote must be reprogrammed?

So Friday morning I visited the Southside Toyota Service Department in Woolloongabba, Queensland.

They didn’t have a remote battery but could order it for $30AUD. When I mentioned to the salesmen that I really needed my remote, he suggested that I visit Jaycar Electronics Woolloongabba .

I asked for remote battery and got the expected Lithium CR2016 for only $2.95AUD.

From the following pictures should help the first time remote control virgin.

Yaris Remote Control opened up

Now applying a 5mm blade screw driver again…

The coin sized CR2016 battery

With battery replaced, remote light appears but still nothing happens.

The doors stay locked. F***, looks like I’m gonna have to follow the reprogramming steps that were posted by “CTScott” in the forum article http://www.yarisworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20865 .

Slightly peeved, I hoped into the car using the actual key. Later I got to the organic markets and pressed the remote lock out of habit and the car locked!!!

Awesome!!!

Then later in the afternoon, I sent remote unlock – great. Got back to the off street park and sent a remote lock.

The Yaris ignored me. Do I have to reprogram or chuck and get a new remote?

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To understand the financial numbers that follow, wrap your head around equity. The equity in the investments are calculated by taking fair market value and subtracting the outstanding mortgage amount.

Taking an investment property for AU$200,000 with a AU$180000 mortgage.

In a nutshell, $180k is controlling $200k investment. The arrangement has a LVR (loan-to-value ratio) of 90% which is possible and reasonably common. A year later in keeping with trends, the $200k is property valuation will be around $210k or more. After another year the valuation will be $220k or thereabouts and so forth.

With this simple example, equity has grown initially from $20k ($200-$180=$20k) to $30k then onto $40k ($220 – $180 = $40k).

Studying numbers above, you’ll notice the mortgage has stayed fixed at $180k.

A fundamental mental adjustment to wrap your head around is that you don’t want to pay off the property mortgage. Real property investors use interest only mortgage payments. Paying off the principle – reducing the $180k mortgage, hurts your cash flow.

Here in Australia there are also tax implications surrounding principle payments ;-(

If you’ve done your homework – research the investment (more than just location, location, location…) – the property is rented at around 5% of valuation or more.

Initially, 5% of $180k has a rental of $9000 per year and at $220k a rental of $11000. Notice how the increase in property valuation has a corresponding increase in rental.

Here in Brisbane Australia, rentals generally increase every 6 months. I hate rental increases, but such is life – my lot ;-(

But we have a mortgage payments, I hear you say!

Mortgage interest on $180k at 7% (average current rate) is $12600 pa.

No worries

There are two schools of thought here in Australia. Positively geared and negatively geared property.

Positively geared means the rental income pays all expenses – mortgage, rates, insurances etc.

Negatively geared the rental income does not meet all the expenses. Whilst this might appear stupid, there are significant tax benefits if choose this path.

How often do you hear tax and benefit used together in one sentence?

The expenses not met by the rental income decrease your 8 to 5 daily grind taxable income. There is also depreciation (visit Depro for a property schedule). Here in Australia, you can also lodge a PAYG income tax withholding variation (ITWV) with the ATO. This reduces your weekly or fortnightly tax giving you the funds required to meet the expenses not met by the rental income.

The current example property will turn cash positive in the sixth – seventh year.

But you don’t want that situation. As a positive income approaches, it should be invested into the next property investment. Acquiring finance – mortgage – for the second, third property etc becomes easier. The banks understand that you are on a mission to acquire multiple properties, so the banks are generally there help so that they get their monthly interest cut.

Once you have acquired couple properties, the mortgage payments rental income positive differential will be sufficient to fund a line of credit (LIC).

The funds that you as investor extract from this LIC (Equity Loan) becomes your tax-free income replacement for the 8 to 5 daily grind. The amount that you can extract or want as an income replacement is determined by the number of investment properties that you’ve accumulated.

Property investment mission accomplished

One day when you decide to clock-out, kick the bucket and die, your family can sell a property or two to settle the investment mortgages or continue with process as described in this posting.

Become a property investor, use NLP to fix mental childhood your issues – broken thought patterns etc, then take your first property investment step – loose your virginity

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There is nothing like a good debt. If you’ve been stupid enough to get into debt, you’re quizzed as to why you didn’t listen to their years of wisdom. Next you’re told categorically that you don’t need that gizmo – toy! Now pay it down that debt quickly and save on the interest. How could you do something so stupid!!!

You’d think that the lecturing on debt only applied while you shared that same roof with the parents. When you’ve “grown up”, expecting to skip this part and follow your journey – own life, but alas even when you’re thousands of miles away, you still receive that long – inquiring – probing – “interrogation” of a phone call.

“So have you paid it off yet?”. Silence is the only cure ;-(

With the childhood mental concrete frame firmly cast, the very first investment property purchase is hell.

But the financial awareness since childhood does have an advantage. The numbers get checked, analyzed. Glossy property brochures and their spin doctors, prophets fail miserably.

The property investment numbers get re-checked until a warm satisfying fuzzy feeling is born.

With the decision to buy an investment property made and the support provided by TIC, the first investment property is settled.

This property selected,  there’s a sigh relief

The initial property purchase wasn’t painful – it was actually an  excellent education.

No longer a property virgin

So when start you acquiring property – houses, units etc – suddenly you want heaps of debt. The more you have, the better you feel.

This is the complete opposite of the parental indoctrination that was promoted, sold, pushed into a child’s growing spongy mind.

Soon you will not be listening to your parents!!!

In the next post, I’ll introduce scary financial numbers and in the following posting I’ll describe how in a couple years you can lead an almost tax free existence with a respectable income.

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Pacific Dawn top deck with pool, sunbeds and bar

The ship did rock a little, but no more than a Translink bus cornering while chasing the schedule or finishing the last late night service. Finally, trips are always better on the CityCat when it is turned into an overgrown jet-ski.

The rolling movement of the Pacific Dawn would be less if its breath were larger. The Royal Caribbean International Oasis of the Seas – the world’s biggest cruise liner ever built – is 47 meters whereas the P&O ship only has a width of 38 meters. The extra width probably removes the need for the horizontal stabilizers (and increased fuel consumption).

After three days at sea, without land in sight, New Zealand’s South Island Fiordland appeared in the mist.

Gently the ship Pacific Dawn slipped through the cliffs

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She was mostly always right and that was just the right thing to do

So a day later, deposit paid, I was booked to take a cruise on the P&O Pacific Dawn from Brisbane across the ditch to New Zealand.

P&O Pacific Dawn cruise ship

More professional images can be found at http://www.cruise-australia.net/pacificdawn.htm

The Pacific Dawn is 70,000 Ton cruise ship (1991), with 11 decks and able to carry 2000 passengers. She has a couple sisters – Pacific Jewel (70,000 Tons, 1991), Pacific Pearl (63,500 Tons, 1987) and the oldest sister, Pacific Sun at 47,000 Tons built back in 1986.

For those who plan of taking a cruise, don’t rush. Boarding at Brisbane harbor was slowed down by a large number of the fossils with hearing aids, walking aids etc. strolling up the gang plank. A floating retirement village, that rocks them to sleep one might say

The other thousand of us without pacemakers cruised up the gang plank into boat, only to find the stores and pubs closed whilst docked in the harbor ;-(

Most of the staff on the Pacific Dawn are sourced from China, India and the Philippines. The entertainment staff do however appear to be from Australia. The nationality split is probably to save a coin and bump up the P&O Cruise profits. How un-Australian!

The woman was all drugged up. Every possible and potential sea-sickness cure was cruising through her veins. It was the law – there was just no way that she was going to be sea-sick.

Now initially, we were expected to depart from Brisbane at 2pm and then cruise for three days to New Zealand’s south island “Fiordland”.

Well, the Brisbane harbor master delayed the departure because of the wind.

Imagine that 70,000 tons of metal could be delayed by breeze. Doesn’t the ship have a couple monster diesel engines to push bulk around through the wave fronts or handle the occasional tidal or tsunami?

The Pacific Dawn left the Brisbane harbor about four hours behind schedule.

In a later post, I’ll cover cruising drug update and the cruise through the New Zealand Fiordland.

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Channel jumping didn’t help – all the stations were just repeating the same stories. You heard – Anna Bligh – the premier of Queensland – speech repeated every 15 -30 minutes until the next speech. Video feeds showed the river growing ever bigger and faster, flooding and enveloping properties around Brisbane.

Depressing set of events following on from Toowoomba – Gatton – Ipswich … ;-(

But luckily there were people in the middle of the chaos giving a different take on the Brisbane Flood 2010 events.

Chris Young caught some animal ingenuity in action. A fox outwitted the flood by taking a ride on a tire.

Fox rides a tyre to escape flood

Fine. Red foxes are cunning creatures – just ask any Queensland farmer.

But sometimes there is unlikely teamwork. Here Armin Geriah photographed a frog riding on the back of a brown snake.

Frog rides on the back of brown snake in Queensland Floods

I always thought frogs have no worries with water – so why did he need to hitch a ride?

Did this frog know that this snake was probably planning on having him for dinner?

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But rains kept coming.

Before we knew it, South East Queensland had rivers bursting their banks. The almighty Wivenhoe dam was struggling with 190% capacity.

Then in a couple minutes, Toowoomba was hit with a flash flood. The wall of water moved cars right down the main street. Traditional Queensland homes were lifted off their stumps and dropped further down the road.

Then Gatton, a town east of Toowoomba followed. Here the carnage included 30 crumpled cars with drivers under the Grantham bridge.

Toowoomba Gatton

With the Bremmer river running riot, the water hit Ipswich. Luckily here the people had a couple hours to prepare and escape to an evacuation point. Something like 3000++ houses flooded.

Many people lost their homes, but thankfully the lost of life hasn’t been excessive.

Unfortunately, some companies increase profits from disaster – see this video.

For more details, visit News.com.au

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Well, I ‘ve got news for you!!!

The backwards third world mentality is alive and well in a Brisbane software company.

Day-in-day out there is always a push to increase productivity, reduce defects and minimize software development costs.

The company does a frigging excellent job at minimizing software costs by pretty much expecting – in a demanding kind of way – that you give the company 24/7 all the time.

Some of this partly to blame on the culture where the average worker has given businesses in Australia over $18 billion in unpaid overtime.

Fine – average workers are just idiots!!!

Last week, a woman CEO demanded that all developers use physical paper folders for all projects that they’re working on.

Wow.

That meant that gone are the Word requirement documents, the Excel spreadsheets that we email amongst ourselves, test cases that get dumped on the shared drives etc.

All this because she likes to touch/see the physical documents.

What a bitch!!!

How can a CEO of a “world leading” fashion software organization be so backwards. What makes things rather scary is that she’s in her early 40′s – not even an old fart yet.

Maybe it is the environment. The Sydney siders often say that “Brisbane is a big country town“

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Since moving to Brisbane 5 years ago, I’ve had the pleasure to observe, admire and drool over some seriously gorgeous female bits. By this I’m referring to a nicely curved – shaped butt, luscious lips, legs that have the perfect shape and go on forever and of course boobs – breasts that are unbelievably inviting.

It is really great living in Brisbane – everyday I get to see at least one beautiful woman.  If I get to see a blond, all I need is a glimpse of a nipple to know if she is a real blond or a fake. Real blond nipples are pink in color while brunette nipples are browner.  Living with two women and then again with another two women has been an education

But…

I have to navigate my way through the city every day of the week, and as regular as clockwork, I get stonewalled behind a woman or two or three.

Now it is a known fact that women are unable to walk straight – they’re always drifting this way then that way and then there’s the sudden stop for no apparent reason. (In a rush, I almost rear-end a woman when she stopped suddenly!!!)

Easy. I just walk in the opposite direction to get around this female obstruction.

Complicating this is being stuck behind two women. Slipping around this obstruction requires a gear change.

Now we add handbags and the back-up handbags.

Suddenly the zig-zag female walk is covering a meter to the left and another meter to the right.

Initially I figured the sweeper arms were for balance – assuming she had a top heavy rack aggravated by the handbags.

Unfortunately, this is not true.

Women who are not well endowed and not carrying handbags still swing there arms sideways.

It took over a month of observation, sidewalk traffic congestion and dozens of female forms to formulate this measurable law of motion.

Whilst walking behind and admiring the curves wiggling and gyrating, measure the width of her hips with your eye.

Touching would be inappropriate ;-(

Now if her butt is 36 cm wide, take 36 cm from her spine to the left and 36cm right. This 72cm range is the bare minimum arm swing radius.

Adding handbags add further offsets to the arm swinging.

If you’re having a really bad day and she is C++ top heavy, the arms have to compensate for the shift in weight as the jugs swing this way and then that way.

Before commenting, take the time to admire and observe the female physique in motion.

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For some this might appear as staged tall story packed with impossible inaccuracies, but for some residents of Brisbane, it is a daily gauntlet of duck and dive for cover ;-(

Let us begin…

Whilst escaping the office for a bite to eat, I found myself sitting on a Cathedral Park bench.

Being just before noon, the park was pleasantly quiet – peaceful – the shade much more inviting than the office aircon.

Here St. Johns Cathedral replaced my dull and somewhat depressing LCD monitor with source code and customer complaints.

Initially, many meters ahead of my park bench enjoying the sun was a couple of magpies.

Normally ferrous and generally impolite wildlife, they wandered ever closer and closer to my bench. It didn’t take long before I realized that these birds wanted my lunch.

Every bite was met with an advancement of the magpie front line.

Slowly as I chewed, their approach became more and more uncomfortable
- for me !!! Maybe it was the fear of being out numbered – ambushed.

Magpie cyclist attack damage

Magpies have been known to derail cyclists and demolish high heels. It was only a week or so ago that I saw a magpie force a crow to crash land on the paving. A couple meters more and the oncoming Turbot street traffic would’ve been involved. Possible broken windscreen?

Magpie territory warning

Very confident protected specie – perhaps arrogantly confident?

I could easily have stretched my arm out and given Captain Magpie a good old slap, but as the beady eyes filled my view, I capitulated (because of legal ramifications!).

Late last year a copper got fined $2000 for shooting an aggressive magpie.

The magpie couple probably didn’t fill in their 2008 tax return and even if they had, they probably wouldn’t have received the ATO $900 tax refund this month.

With no tax refund to bank on and starving, maybe the couple had a couple chicks to feed? Who knows.

Sorry and somewhat apologetic, I left them with what remained of my lunch. My butt hadn’t even left the park bench when the magpies dive bombed the lunch.

This was yet another successful Magpie Attack.

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