“Multiple Sclerosis is an autoimmune disease characterized by the destruction of the nerve myelin layer“.

Well that pretty much what the neurologist said to me and ofcourse, I knew exactly what that meant in – in plain English please!

Thrilled, I parted with yet another $100.

Myelin is the protective sheath that surround nerve cells – primarily a protein based layer. MS can affect numerous body functions with symptoms that may include visual and speech impairment, memory loss, depression, tiredness, muscle weakness, loss of coordination, numbness, bowel and bladder problems.

I kinda interpret this as messing with body’s electrical system.

To ensure that I had no metal on my body and being fashion conscious – for a good looking MRI – I stripped down and jumped into the hospital gown.

The only good thing about the gown was the breeze between my legs! After all these years I finally understand why girls love those really short skirts

The MRI machine has limits, so before being slid into a tube, a really good looking brunette asked me how much I weighed!! I wonder what she was looking at?

Even with the ear plugs, the MRI machine is frigging loud! Being confined and squashed in a tiny cold tube doesn’t help either. After having the pleasure of gluing a jack-hammer to my skull for just short of an hour, I parted with $518.

What really peeved me off was that straight afterwards, I asked the radiologist if the MRI showed anything. The cold answer was my referring neurologist would answer that question. Surely a radiologist can say, “Yeah mate, you’re screwed!”, “Could be…”, or “No worries”?

Another week of suspense to follow – getting an appointment is really difficult.

It seems that here in Brisbane there is a definite shortage of neurologists and MRI machines. One could also interpret this as Brisbane is filled with a whole load of head cases

The six inches of real estate between your ears is the most valuable – some people have less.

The scans had a couple white spots – lesions - and that signified MS – well almost. The MRI also revealed some old scar tissue which meant some lesions had existed at some previous point in life.

So for my next $100 diagnosis, I got a comment on the scarring and scribbled note for a second MRI visit of the brain – the search for brain lesions.

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Still processing the possibility- probably denial – I did not mention Multiple Sclerosis to the doctor – GP.

My initial experience with my first Australian GP visit was horrific. The GP politely said it was bullshit I could be almost vertical and not feel a thing in my legs. Needless to say after $60, he ordered blood work and sent me on my way. He had more patients to see and was running late!

Now I understand the meaning and root of that saying “Diagnose and Adios“.

The next GP was a little better. I figure he was an Asian GP import He pulled out his hammer and hit me on the knees and shins and when nothing expected happened – tried again – but this time he hit harder!

With a blank look he gave me a note to go see a specialist – neurologist. The Asian import didn’t even look at my $60 blood work and then had the cheek to charge me another $60 for a name that was out of the country for the next 6 months!

Refund? Get stuffed.

Now desperate to walk and highly disappointed with Western medicine, I figured I do some Chinese – acupuncture.

I’ve love their takeout – a big supporter – so their medicine must be good!

Acupuncture manipulates the energy pathways within the body – the nerves. I hate and fear injections – needles but figured I’d had to do this for my legs.

So I hunted down an authentic Ching. Being so close to China, this is real easy – the yellow pages are filled with Eastern medicinal practices. And besides, Brisbane has a real China Town!

So late Saturday morning with my back and legs stuck full of pins, the acupuncturist suggested I see a specialist – neurologist.

Never before had someone not flinched when knocking in the acupuncture needles along the lower spine!!!

But amazingly even though I could not feel anything, after the treatment I had almost complete feeling and control in my right leg.

It is hard to explain the feeling of being able to walk again!!!

Western medicine has a lot to learn from Eastern medicine. I think it just requires an open mind.

So together with the acupuncturist advice or confirmation I booked an appointment to see a neurologist.

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