Probably the first speed-bump that any bloke encounters is when he hits the cycle related strife of PMS (pre-menstrual stress). Suddenly the good to cuddle darling partner for last three weeks, finishes the month as a fiery moody demon beast.

During the dating phase of the relationship, a sudden onslaught of moodiness is easily countered with a really low-profile. Falling off the edge of the earth for a week or so is a mostly safe option

Luckily now there’s PMSBuddy that warns us poor blokes when our other half’s pre-menstrual syndrome is about to hit. These monthly notification installments ought to mitigate some of the damage and save us blokes a whole load of pain – credit card excluded!

Now if you happen to be dating these curves you have a possible escape, however if you’re just renting a room, you are forced to tread broken glass on bare feet for that week!!!

Did you know buying flowers in an attempt dig oneself out of the dog box is deemed to be “kryponite for PMS” – go figure!!!

FACT: Living with two women is Chinese Water Tortue .

Little girls may be made of sugar, spice and all things nice, but their underarms smell of onions and grapefruit !!!

Scientists at Firmenich, Geneva have confirmed that the smell from women’s armpits are definitely much worse than us poor blokes.

Women – who by their admission know pretty much everything (except how to change a tire!!) – are acutely aware of this. That’s why they shave their armpits in an attempt to destroy the foul smelling bacteria’s natural habitat.

Deforestation might stop the foul smelling bacteria from breeding for a while, but the replacement leaves us blokes gasping for air. A woman’s immersion in deodorants and perfumes is at times intoxicating.  Attractive as this might be, gasping for some fresh air – almost suffocating, us blokes have our heads bent down. In the normal incomprehensible womanly way, the woman immediately assumes the bloke is focused solely on their breasts!

Maybe so – but it’s not our fault that the woman are constantly buying better bras, padding et al to make their boobs look better, bigger and even more curvaceous, deviously attractive. Women must accept that the boob focus is their fault – the consequence of their false advertising!

Another report examining hand bacteria in the USA has found that women also have a greater variety of bacteria on their hands than men. Scientists identified 4742 species!!!

So it is confirmed – girl germs really do exist.

Complicating matters is when you add another sheila to the mix. With two women in a confined space – in an old Queenslander – blokes would instinctively assume this must be heaven – double nymphomaniacs. What could possibly be wrong with this blessing?

One word – lesbian.

Don’t get me wrong, my first encounter with a lesbian was very nice. There was none of that usual sexual tension that exists between male and female – just remarkably calm and peaceful.

But throw two lesbians into an enclosed space – add an irritating chihuahua for extra zest and finish the mix with one bloke.

Now as you know, lesbians are against deforestation so their bacteria has a safe haven. Being a hairy bloke myself, I sometimes feel quite naked against their hairy outcrops – especially their girlish armpits!!!

Trying to be bloke-ish, perfume doesn’t save the day’s visual damage. There should be a law enforcing lesbian long sleeves!

Now as luck would have it, PMS has  absolutely not regard for the calendar or synchronization.

This poor bloke just lost two weeks of normality with the rest of the month replaced with the usual dosage of female hormonal imbalance

The sheilas down under, whilst being really good looking and generally quite loving have a definite violent gene flowing somewhere in their veins. When a bloke mentions something like “Is this your PMS talking?“, he will virtually always be told to “f*** off“.

So what do you think will happen if I suggested to my lesbian housemates that they get their tubes tied?

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